What’s The Biggest Misconception In Marketing Today?
Ask anyone (and by anyone, I mean me) this question and I guarantee that I’ll tell you it’s this: “There is nothing Google can do that a 4-colour embossed brochure can’t.”
This may sound like a rather sweeping statement, but that certainly won’t stop me from saying it.
And by the time you finish reading the endless string of weblogs that I plan to post on this nice little site, I bet you’ll agree that all of my seemingly preposterous generalities and wide-ranging assertions are in fact 100% correct.
But until then, consider this little nugget of an unpleasantly honest to goodness truth…
A Lack Of Power Marketing
As the world teeters along from crisis to crisis and my plans to create “The Cat Network” slowly come to fruition, the demand for power marketers who know how to cram a message down the consumer gullet continues to skyrocket.
And yet the number of cold-calling, snail-mailing, sales reps is at a piddly all-time low. We’re suffering from a profound lack of power marketing.
And if we don’t succeed at power marketing that means we fail at everything.
And if we fail at everything, that means we’re no better than a roomful of monkeys dressed in diapers pounding away at typewriters in the vain hopes of creating a Shakespearean sonnet.
And if we are nothing but monkeys at typewriters that means we have no real literary aspirations but instead prefer to indulge in frantic and unsafe monkey copulation whenever the primitive urge strikes us.
And if we do have frequent and unsafe monkey sex, that means that we’re all nothing but dirty primates giving each other the clap every time we make the chimp with two backs.
And I think we can all agree that we don’t want that to happen!
It doesn’t have to be this way, dear.
“The Milly Journey”
Fortunately, by reading this blog, you have made a huge leap forward in your own personal journey to marketing happiness and success. All of which I can teach you how to achieve in 183,246 easy steps. (Maybe in even fewer steps if I start to get tired.)
Sound too good to be true? Well, buckle up, sweet pea, because it’s about to sound even better than too good to be true…
By learning how to succeed at power marketing everything, you can then use your newfound knowledge to make the world a better place. A better place for you, that is!
You’ve tried the get-rich-fast schemes and the hotdog diet, now it’s time to give my plan a shot.
I Should Probably Put A Subheading Here
When I look around, I see that there’s one thing that never changes, and that’s that the world is constantly changing. You can’t change constant change because constant change will never change in that its constantly changing. And that will never change. The problem is that most people don’t know that in order to succeed in this time of constant change, they need to constantly learn to constantly change with the constant change.
How do we do this?
We start with the facts. Did you know that only one person in the world knows how to succeed at power marketing everything? (Hint: It’s me.)
So, of the 7 billion people living on earth at the time I am writing this (give or take a few hundred million), there is a single expert in this zany business called marketing. And you happen to be resting your peepers on her.
And good news, dear. I want to help you.
Think of me as a magical marketing fruit tree of knowledge that’s waiting for you to pluck my golden apples so you can achieve your dream of having oodles of success – and, what the heck, fame. Take that, Hollywood celebrities!
Buzz Words
Okay dear, I just did a word count and see I’m starting to run long.
So, here’s today free gem of a nugget of advice wrapped in the erudite ramblings of the guru with ovaries (and why should the men get all the good labels? I like a title with a bit of balsamic vinegar).
To be a successful marketer you’ll need to know all kinds of silly buzz words.
Now don’t panic. When I say “know” I don’t mean that you have to understand them, you just have to be able to memorize them and then spout them out in nonsensical ways that sound convincing and intimidating but are in fact nothing but gobbledegook.
It’s how your core messaging creates a rapport of affinity through beneficial high value solutions that make your personal brand an emotional trigger that enables you to convert strategic offer sequences into immediate upsells, immediate down sells, after sale upsells, after sale down sells, and main sale next sales.
Once you’ve memorized all the marketing buzz words use them endlessly. Use them to drown out those who object to you – whether they be fellow marketers or family members you can’t stand.
The key to using buzz words is to remember they are disingenuous – and to be more than okay with that.
And remember…
When it comes to marketing: Nobody puts Milly in the corner.
(Hmm, I’ll need to work on my sign-off line.)