Good News! Social Media Is a Fad
If you’re still asking “Just what the heck is this social media thing?’ then you have my heartiest of congratulations: But you should know… All of today’s young marketers are laughing at you.
But don’t worry, because they all have their social heads up their media asses.
That’s right, you heard me, Mr. Fancy Pants marketing machine. And you need to heed those words or rue the day you didn’t read this… Which, I guess, if you’re not reading this, doesn’t make it much of a rueful warning.
Okay, let’s say this: To the marketers who read the above, just heed my words, okay? To the marketers who didn’t… I have no idea what to say. Or rue.
My point is that social media is a time consuming fancy. A 4-colour embossed brochure has more power than all the search engines in the world combined.
Bad News! Like a Stalker, Social Media Won’t Leave You Alone
Sure, it’s a fad, but the problem with social media is that it’s not getting the hint and just keeps pestering us.
Like it or not, when you received that invitation to Facebook or LinkedIn, and thought, “God, no.” you just brushed shoulders with social media.
That’s right, you just became an S&M (Social and Media) floozy and need to get yourself checked for a virus. But just because you’re tainted doesn’t mean there’s no turning back.
History Lesson: Why is it called Social Media?
Because it claims to be sociable. And I suppose it lives up to its claim. That said, I could go on Facebook and post something like, “My cousin, Roger, is as gormless as he is flatulent.”
Agreed, it’s a pithy update. But there’s nothing sociable about it. Even if what I said about cousin Roger is 100% true (and it is), I would never put that on the internet.
In theory (you should know, most everything about social media is currently “in theory”), social media is about conversation: Starting it, stimulating it, growing it, blathering and bullying your way through it – and being drunk while you do it. And not “happy drunk” either…
What else has Social Media done to ruin things?
This flashy know-it-all “communication enabler” has changed how we connect. Because apparently talking to people we actually know is now irrelevant.
Now we can get unwanted advice from strangers. Fortunately, we can agitate them in the process. (Milly’s helpful hint: If you click on the images they get big. It’s very exciting.)
A Milk Analogy
News flash! TV news anchors still spout the homogenized words of one interest group to the masses.
Unfortunately the pushy internet isn’t satisfied with pasteurized information. It wants all the raw facts. No matter how sick the bacteria filled truth makes you.
These days the how, what, where and when we get our news and information doesn’t count for much. No, today it’s the who who’s empowered to create news and information.
Now, when there’s a hilarious meme distracting us from serious real life problems, or there’s a misleading Pinterest about protests in Albania, or other “news” breaks, it is ordinary big mouthed illiterates that provide the stories to the world. These are our new journalists.
And I wish them all the best of luck. Not because they’ll need it but because I’m a nice lady.
Social media lets us change the world one friend-who-we-don’t-actually-know at a time
Need more proof it’s a waste of time? Let’s look at the basic problems of some of the more popular social media sites.
Everyone likes to think of Facebook as their online neighbourhood. At first it sort of feels like Sesame Street. It’s friendly and fun.
Later, you discover its Cheers quality, everybody knows your name – and you’ve learned that most of them have alcohol issues.
Its upside? You can check in, see what the gang is up to and feel good about yourself.
Its downside? You can check in, see what the gang is up to and feel bad about yourself.
The worst part of Facebook is that everyone uses it as a forum for endless bragging.
If you must be on Facebook then think of it this way… You (or someone who loves you) will have plenty of opportunity to list all your achievements in your obituary.
Twitter’s big problem is trying to report life in 140 characters or less.
Which is terribly depressing and the reason why people on Twitter are suicidal (see chart which doesn’t lie).
Its upside is a lack of exclamation marks.
#stoptheblurting
YouTube
YouTube’s problem is that it’s a video sharing site where some people go to post videos and other people go to show off how much they hate people for posting their videos.
According to LinkedIn, LinkedIn is one of the better social media pools to dip your fat toe into. Mostly because you don’t have to interact with others and end up thinking you’re improving your career.
Another thing according to LinkedIn is that LinkedIn is not the place to post links to personal thong photos and your meandering thoughts about your dinner.
That sounds promising, but the problem is that after signing up all you do is connect with the people you already do business with then do nothing else other than feel like you’re making new connections and doing it right.
Wikipedia
Looking for factual info?
Well don’t rely on a free online encyclopedia that any blowhard can edit.
Its slogan? “Please donate to Wikipedia or you and your homework are screwed.”
Blogs
Blogs are an early form of social media.
Their problem is that they endure because blogs provide morons with a forum to go on and on and on and on and on…
Essentially they allow any crank with an opinion, no matter how inane or deranged, to expound on whatever they want.
Next week I’ll blog more about how blogging is a waste of time.
Millicent Bodsworth
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