If you’re anything like me then you know that life is difficult and less satisfying than a dog’s breakfast. Unless, of course, you happen to be a Giant Schnauzer; in which case a dog’s breakfast is a healthy way to start the day.
That said, the harsh truth is that Giant Schnauzers can’t read. And even if they could they wouldn’t be reading this article, they’d be outside catching rats… Because that’s what they’re bred to do. Am I right?
But let’s not worry about that right now.
The Marketing Secret
The secret to being a successful marketer is this: Think up a big idea and then break it down into a bunch of small ideas.
So, let’s say you want to be a better Boy Scout Leader…
Okay, that’s your big idea.
Now, your small ideas tell people how to do that; for example, “Envision how to start a camp fire.” “Research and understand tents.” “Memorize Robert Baden-Powell’s treatise on the evils of onanism.” “Learn exciting new knots that you can share with the lads.”
Breaking A “Big Idea” Down
Whether you’re a Scout Master, or a CEO, or an uncaring barbarian named Cleveland who hasn’t sent me an alimony check since the divorce, if you want to succeed at marketing everything there are ten essential qualities you have to practice and master.
My big idea was this: To be a successful marketer you have to be a GLORYHOUND. And to be a successful GLORYHOUND you need…
Then I broke my big idea down into ten small ones. This was the cornerstone that took me to the next level. And now I want to share the secret of my success with you…
A man who looked like a doctor that I once met in an elevator described “guts” as the gunk between his belly and his anus. I don’t know why he did this. He just volunteered up the information out of nowhere. It was unsettling and since that day I use the stairs.
The guts I’m talking about don’t have anything to do with internal body parts or violin strings, or tennis rackets and fishing lines. I’m talking about the courage to follow your dream. Before you can learn everything and inspire others, you have to have the courage to say, “I’m going to learn everything I can to help myself… oh, and maybe others.”
You want people to love you. We all do. The way to do that is to trick them into thinking you can make a difference in their lives. You need a higher purpose, and it’s to serve other people – Mussolini style!
We all need to have hope. Without optimism what have we got? That’s right. No optimism. Or “noptimism”™ as I call it.
No one likes to follow the rules. It’s much better if you make them. Put that iron fist of yours to paper and start writing your marketing rules.
“Y” is a hard one to think up. So I came up with Yearning, which is like passion only with lots of melancholy. I still can’t help but think that maybe “Y” should be something else… Like Yoga. Which I’m told is very good for you. Although that’s a stretch… Oops! I just made an unintentional joke.
Let’s stick with Yearning. You need to yearn to succeed. If you don’t, you won’t. So do it, and if you must be melancholy, try and keep that part to yourself.
To be honest, GLORYHOUND isn’t one word, but two. Will you forgive me? Chances are you will. Why? Because I showed honesty by admitting my mistake. Always be honest: It’s the best way to deceive people.
It was difficult thinking up two “O” words. My second choice was Originality. I think it should be yours too.
If you don’t have the right tools you can’t succeed. You need a fork to pick up mashed potatoes (I’m looking at you, Cleveland!) and a knife for back-stabbing your way to the top of the marketing hill.
My son Sheridan says we should be nicer. He also gets pelted with rocks and garbage by the local toughs. He needs to wise up.
Determination has the words “deter” and “termination” in it, but that doesn’t stop it from being a noun that’s synonymous with getting ahead at all costs. And it shouldn’t stop you.
Now It’s Your Turn!
So there you have it. If you apply these principles to your marketing campaigns you will succeed.
I want you to make a promise to me, and more importantly, to yourself. From now on I want you to be a GLORYHOUND. You can have success at eat it too!
No guff, I’m not just some rambling kook.