If you know how to speak you should consider doing it publicly.
Not only do you get to be the centre of attention but you can make obscene gobs of money doing it.
And it’s not hard if you can do these two simple things.
A. Pick a topic
B. Overcome your fear of speaking in public
Okay, let’s start with the easier of the two. Finding a topic.
If you’re going to speak in public, you’ll have to talk about something. But fret not, finding ideas is easy peasy. Just keep a pen and paper or a portable texting machine (I think the kids call them iPads) and write down any half-baked ideas that pop into your noggin.
Write them all down! Just imagine all kinds of crazy things… If you’re not a psychopath there’s no harm in this.
Fine, I’ll do the Work for You
Still not sure where to start? Huh, well aren’t you disappointing. But never mind, I’ve got you covered (again) with these 10 basic subjects.
You can yap about…
1. Things That You Like To Think About
2. Things That Are Current Events (See above, if this applies)
3. Things That Are Not Current Events (Also known as “History”)
4. Things That Happened To You (Also known as “Your Personal History”)
5. Things You Found On The Street
6. Things You Find Obscene (Or any other types of personal observations)
7. Things About The Movie, “The Thing” (Or other movies or forms of entertainment)
8. Things That Are Clichés
9. Things That Are Proverbs But Strike You As Clichés
10. Things That Strike You (As opposed to People That Strike You – they should be reported to the police)
Okay, now that we’ve got that all taken care of let’s take a look at the trickier subject of overcoming a fear of public speaking.
It’s very common. So much so that there are currently thousands of self-help gurus and all kinds of therapists and life coaches making big bucks teaching would-be Toast Master Generals how to win over a crowd using their “secrets.”
Well, you can ignore all the gurus and therapist because your Aunt Milly has 8 Tips that are guaranteed to help you overcome your fear of public speaking and turn you into a much sought after blowhard.
Write A Speech
Winging it is fine and dandy if you’re a bird. But you’re not. You don’t regurgitate food into your child’s mouth. And if you do, for the love of God, stop.
Open With A Joke
And keep it tasteful, okay Shecky? You’re not a foul mouthed stand-up comedian, so leave the ripsnorters about your genitals, flatulence, or flatulent genitals at home. And stay away from jokes that start off with “A guy walks into a bar” because there’s nothing funny about alcoholism.
Practice
Get a soap box, go to the park and read your speech in public. Do it all day. Added bonus: Strangers might toss you some spare change.
Know The Room
Most rock stars do this. They get a sound check, check out the venue and get a feel for the room. If a drug addled savage in tight leather trousers with long greasy hair can do this, then so can you!
Clean Yourself Up
If you look presentable you can trick people into thinking you are knowledgeable.
Visualize Your Outcome
And when you do, visualize it turning out well.
Look Your Audience In The Eye
But don’t stare at them. Remember, you’re not an antisocial nutcase, you’re an elegant orator. Make eye contact on occasion. Like I always say, “Look me in the eyes and tell me you’re not looking me in the eyes.”
Don’t Imagine Your Audience Is In Their Underwear
I don’t know who came up with this idea but it’s a bad one because most people’s underwear is old, stained, and has holes in it – who wants to look at that? If you really want to see people walking around in in their ratty underwear, I suggest you go to Walmart.
Millicent Bodsworth
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